The first installation of many new things to come. I want all my viewers to know that I am not moving from the text form of Soldierlife. I am merely evolving to bring you a different type of media to experience from.
Some plans with this new content is to resurrect the book and put it into a picture/video format. I hope you enjoy the ride.
Mil-vlogs are here to stay!
NOTE: All footage was taken by me. That soldier is me as well….BOO!
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As of late I have often reflected on the past year events. It was a year ago that I had returned from the relief efforts for Katrina. I was dealing with some things that would steer me towards volunteering for Iraq. To be quite honest life had taken a different direction. I had a book deal, my career was very solid. Externally it would appear that life was good. However I was dealing with some things that really influenced me to go to war. I wanted to experience that aspect. I wanted it in my life.
So it was a matter of time before I found myself training up and heading out. I wished I could have documented it more but it was my experience and mine to endure if that makes any sense. I quickly withdrew from posting my daily activities because simply put I didn’t have the time to do it. When I got to Iraq it was balls to the walls from the start.
I remember my first mission and the intensity I felt within. Every time I left the wire I knew I could possibly not come back. It went from stressful to exhilarating. I lived for mission. I would sometimes volunteer to go out on dual missions. Being a sniper for 12 hours then transitioning to being a soldier on patrol. People in my unit thought I was fucking stupid. I didn’t care really. My fate was my fate and if I were to perish in Iraq then that was the place. I wore myself out. Doing dual missions cost me sleep and the ability to document the trip. It granted me the experience I wanted.
It was no longer what is AS doing in Iraq. It was surviving! Why would I do this? I didn’t have a logical answer. Why would I go and willingly do a battle assessment of a cache of rockets and bombs? Literally going over and checking on the status of those munitions with the possibility of being blown the fuck up? I don’t regret anything I did but I certainly wasn’t worried about being blown up. Some soldiers thought I was careless in some situations. I look at it like I was willing to do shit that others wouldn’t do.
It was my time to experience this war. I was not going to cower to nothing!
The day I got blown the fuck up I was doing my typical duty. Patrolling the streets and waiting to get hit. My crew had the daunting task of going into the city limits and looking for IED’s. This process included going down roads with walls on either side, typical kill zones. We would take corners with piles of shit mounted on either side. Were there IED’s in there? Fuck lets find out!! Going in on alternating routes so the enemy wouldn’t figure out our pattern and ambush us. Most days we got those fuckers setting up on us. Somedays they got us and we would fight for our lives.
I hated this mission to be honest. Every time I would prepare for a mission I would think man is this going to be it? I would look at my guys and hope I didn’t have to see their dying face. I had to lead them into hell and I had to be the strong one. Man it fucking sucked knowing that I was just leading them into a mission that would/could end their lives. I knew it was a matter of time before I would get hit. I would sit in my bed when I had the chance to sleep and wonder how it would play out. I hoped that I wouldn’t feel it. I didn’t want to suffer when it happened or my soldiers for that matter. This was my mindset. Mentally preparing for my own demise. Some days I would go to the chow hall and get food thinking this was probably the last meal I was going to have. I just had different feelings. Typically on those nights someone was getting killed, shot or near missed. It was weird, it’s like I knew some things were going to happen. Call it intuition but I hated it.
I look back at it now and I knew it was by luck or some fucking weird fate that I got out of there. Some of the shit that happened over there amazes me now. I was looking through some of the casualty reports and it feels weird to see my name on an OIF Wounded list. That could have very well been a KIA listing. It is all too surreal for me.
Where do I go from here? I am really trying to get back on the straight and narrow but its tough man. There are days like today that I just want to go back. I do miss the brotherhood I shared with my guys. I don’t get what I need with this one weakened a month shit. Fuck that! Besides, I despise my unit that I am in. I cannot relate to any of them. They haven’t been where I was and didn’t do the type of job I did.
I have had thoughts of hanging up the civilian career and going back fulltime. However my wife would probably not like that too much. I would not be able to maintain my level of income so my house would go, car, etc, etc. Is it worth it? Some days I think it is.
It has been six years since I have been a fulltime soldier. I have done my title 10 stints hear and there but nothing compares to it. It is the happiness that I have realized that I need.
So what is this point about? I really have no clue. So today I just put my brain on write mode and didn’t care what I wrote. So here you go.
The above video was not made by me. The internet is a wonderful thing. Click and read or watch then read.
Where were you?
I had gotten to work early that day. I do remember the clear blue sky being reveled to me as I drove my hour commute. I got in work, began my daily routine and I was listening to Howard Stern when the attacks happened. Howard said something about an airplane had crashed into one of the Towers. I walked out and told my co-workers and they looked at me strange. I grab the TV and turned it on and sure as shit, it was true. I was trying to fix the antenna when the second plane hit. I took a step back and I felt a tear trickle down my face. I had never witness such destruction or human loss at one time. The news stations were saying that there could be upward to 20,000 people dead. All this was going on, the experts, the people on the ground it was surreal.
Then….
The towers fell.
I told my boss I had to go.
I left work, sped up the highway along with many other cars. People sort of nodding as you passed by. There was this silent unity with everyone. I heard some radio station folks crying literally over the airwaves. I don’t know how many times my eyes got watery that day either.
Three days later I was in NYC. I was there to ‘try’ and recover some network equipment for my work. I had to take a train down there. I remember walking up the stairway when I got there and into the city.
The smell….
The best way I could describe it is a burnt plastic smell. I got to my hotel and dropped my bags and went straight to ground zero.
I took one look at the building in which my company’s network equipment was in and said forget it.
I had credentials to get in the area so I just joined the effort. I spent the next 2 weeks laying orange flags, picking up remains and saluting when we found people.
I went home and changed my life forever.
Since then I’ve fought the war on terror with a vengeance and still preserve the 9/12 appreciation of what we have.
Mrs. AS here. I wanted to let you all know about a great book that has recently come out. It is by fellow milblogger Blackfive. His book The Blog of War was amazing! It hit home for me on many of the pages. It gave a great insight to what our soldiers feel, how they react, what they experience, and how they cope afterwards. I know that if you read most milblogs you can get that understanding. But this book brought together so many of the great ones that have been written.
I can now say that I better understand some of the things my husband can not tell me,or why he may not want to tell me, or some of the fears he may have but not express to me, or why getting readjusted at home is such an up and down process.
It was really a wonderful book. *And if you’re a cryer, get a box of tissues to go with it*
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