5/30/2007
To Late
Red2Alpha says,
Try, if you can to describe a loved one in his last hours of life. The light of Life in his eyes. The last moments that you saw him animated, sun filled hallway, the tile gleaming under his booted feet. A man, a boy, a Soldier you have know for years. You know his wife, his daughter-remembering the day she was born and the happy look in his eyes - you know the trouble he has been through, with his wife with his father. Not knowing what to tell him, this young man with a family, since you don’t have any of those things but this Soldier looks up to you as a Leader, looking for help.
Like a son you have tried to help him, mentor him, sat for hours with him in a tower in Kuwait and listened to him, his worries and fears, his hopes and dreams. This boy was… This boy, this man… was all the mistakes you could have prevented as a youth. He was the Hope you once had. He could do It with the right advice, the right words. You loved him but you didn’t know it at the time, oh, maybe you did, but it wasn’t real… It wasn’t Real. Death could never touch us here. Not here, not standing in front of the 1SGT as his squad leader, defending your best Soldier, as he admitted why he spent a weekend in jail. “But get him away from the civlians, Top, and the man shines…”
He comes over to your apartment and talks about his life, his wife, his daughter, his love, the light of his life. You drink beer with him as he folds laundry and never calls you by your first name because,”It wouldn’t be respectful, you know? I can’t call you Mike, Sgt D.” You cry infront of him, tell him that there is a great hole in your soul that needs to be filled but can’t be. You need Hope but it’s not there. He tells you to hold on that he loves you in the words that men cannot say to each other.
A year and half later, he is dead, his heart shattered by a sniper and you don’t know it yet, hoping it’s some IA or IP, but you have already heard the name over the radio. Duplaintier. Thinking you will see him back at Falcone so you can give him shit about being shot, but he’s dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
You will never see him laugh again, never sit with his little girl again and try to draw Spiderman for her as the leadership of the squad tries to figure out the new hand and arm signals for LOA and ACE reports.
The last time you see him is in a black bodybag, intabation tube in his mouth, eyes glassed over, skin waxy, like a dead fish in the market. Touch his hair,cut short to the scalp like your own, expecting him to sit up and tell you it will all be ok, it was all a joke. He is still alive.
But the skin is cold, lifeless. and you think of that morning, the last time you saw him alive and wish you would have stopped, for one second, and asked him how he was doing, how his Leave was.
Only now it’s to late.
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20 Responses to “To Late”
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Man, what a sobering post. Probably the most sobering I have read in some time. I hear the pain and the loss.
It is sobering to realize that this is happening as I am typing. We are loosing part of the greatest new generation. Warriors who had plans, dreams, loved ones and hopes for when they were done with what needed to be done. It is sad to realize that those dreams will never be realized.
It is up to us, the living, to realize the sacrifices they have made, and to live a life that is worthy of such a sacrifice.
That must be so hard… I cannot even begin to fathom it.
I agree with the comment David posted: “It is up to us, the living, to realize the sacrifices they have made, and to live a life that is worthy of such a sacrifice.”
I promise - never will I take my freedom for granted - and never, ever will I forget those who fought and died to protect that freedom. Always, you are in our prayers.
(hugs)
As Walter Cronkite used to sign off with this, ” …and that is the way it is.”. There was a sign at Bell Labs, which read, “Here miracles happen everyday, the impossible takes a little longer.” In a strange way, it is impossible to describe the last few moments of a warrior’s life. Then after you wrestle with this monster, you give it your best shot. The strange thing is words never really communicate all of the details. You finally wrestle the monster and win, you find the words to describe this horrible event. Later, you hear this same description, boiled down to 30 second political sound byte. I don’t care what side you are on, this warrior’s life is much more than that all important sound byte. The other thing is words never really open the nuance of the battlefield. Let’s close down all of your sensory inputs to the brain. One of the most powerful and yet most subtle, scent. In some vets, this has caused flashbacks, and they don’t even know why. There is an annoying sweet smell of death and there are things, not related, which can cause flashbacks to this scent.
Red2Alpha, about the Bell Labs’ sign, miracles have happened around you to the point, that this is normal. You go the extra step with the impossible and accomplish it. As I look at it, this has been a very tough battle for you. I believe if Walter Cronkite would say to me, “Grumpy, that is the way it is.”
Thank you, for your courage on this very personal tough subject.
“Grumpy”
Damn.
I felt the emotion in your post. I am humbled by it. I am sorry for your loss. I know you have probably heard that a million times, but you’ll hear it again from me. Words can’t describe how moved I am right now.
I thank you for your service and that of your unit. Not just them, but all of our men and women in uniform. You put your life on the line for me and you don’t even know me. There is no greater gift.
May God bless and keep you.
Everything I think of to say seems impotent. So I will just say “thanks”. Thanks for serving our country so we can have a future and thanks for baring your soul to us.
Hi, time to do a little clean up. Much of this is a reflection of our experiences. I can not speak for “Red2Alpha”, I can only speak for one DUMB, GRUMPY, STUBBORN OLD VET, me.
“Toni”, I didn’t only use that word for days, weeks, months, even years, but decades as a view of my situation. Your use of it here speaks volumes to me.
“Beans”, As I look at what you saying, it says a great deal about yourself.
To both of you, thank you, for revealing a part of yourselves.
Thank you,
Grumpy
Nothing is greater ~
Grumpy has it right. We at home can never know the details behind that friggin’ 30 second soundbite. But damn if we don’t care about the details. Thank you, Red2Alpha ~
This is what comes to my mind, when I hear of Men and events like this …
It’s tempting to think that we could slow this down, by just simply walking away
Just lay down our arms, extend an open hand, talk things out to a better way
But I’ve yet to see those who are totally bent on, stealin’ life and liberty
Make the choice to stop that stealin’ all on their own, unconfronted by those who’d be free
It comes down to this, just because we might say, that we’re going to fight no more
Doesn’t mean that the enemy will agree, but instead will keep on waging war.
Except that it will be waged, on the enemy’s terms, and they’ll prove again it’s a lie
To say War’s Never The Answer as, again and again, they take our bravest young ones’ lives.
Let us stand up
Let us stand strong
so that not so many folded colors
have to pass from the hands of a grateful nation
to a young wife, or to a mother
Let’s reserve the flags to cover our brave people with honor
when elderly and weathered
they pass from our grateful nation to rejoin their mothers
and fight no more forever
Thank you Red2Alpha — and all who stand between Americans and the thieves of life and liberty.
Especially those who have stood, until their last full measure has been given up for us.
This made me cry. I haven’t experienced the things you have. So, I can’t say that I know how you feel - when I obviously don’t. But thank you for what you do for our country. You and your fellow troops are in my thoughts.
With my son finishing up his training and he’s hope to go to the war zone…I hope he, I pray he will…
Your honor and service to us is appreciated…more than words can say….Thank you
Near the main entrance to the VA hospital in Syracuse,NY, there is a sign. Perhaps other hospitals have it too, and I’m not sure of the wording but it’s like,”COME IN HERE AND YOU”LL SEE THE REASONS WHY FREEDOM ISN’T FREE.” Good Luck, AS.
I feel the emotion, and it hits me hard inside. We all Grieve. Some now, some later. You decide when it is your time.
NYVETERAN, Thank you, for that post. I do not have the words to actually say or write what it means to me.
Robert27Xray, this thing we call grief, it is not just a response at total death. As many know, there is a gradual process of death. You have a point at where lose the limb or use of the limb, at that point you should actually grieve. The strange thing is this, in some ways the burn or amputation is better. The veteran may not like it, but the public may have a chance at understanding it. But when it comes to emotional, mental or neurolgical issues, the public has no chance of understanding it. The public, then fears that which they don’t understand. For that matter, even the vet fears that which he doesn’t understand. This causes the dreaded stigma of being different. So what, we are already different, we’re members of the military or veterans. We had a view of life, that view died and needs to be buried as if it were of the body. This is the time to grieve as for a close friend. Then there is the time to just put it in the ground and move on through the process. NYVETERAN, the sign says it all.
Debbie, there is one group in our Nation, who aro truly tho “unsung heroes” of this war, you are one them.
Grumpy
The words thought or spoken by a thousand soldiers who have lost a friend.
They tell me it gets harder as you move up the ranks. They tell me that if you let him start, a commander will tell you about every soldier he’s ever lost, name, rank, social, and a lot more. He remembers every one of them.
Thanks Red2A.
Smittie
There’s Nothing Funny About a Soldier’s Tears…
Get a box of kleenex before you read this. World War II veterans couldn’t talk about it. Neither could those who served in Korea. The guys who served in Vietnam did a little better but not much. Those are……
I don’t understand. I don’t understand death. I don’t understand death at twenty-three, the age of my love, who drives a tank and says he’s in hell on the phone. Words do not help. Except I do… and it’s impossible to function when you feel so responsible. I feel responsible for the child’s death. He was a child. Why couldn’t it be me? I’m twenty-two. I’ve got so little resting on me, no children and no responsibilities. Trade my life for that of one parent’s. One soldier’s. They are so much better. They deserve to live here because they know how to live and they know what is important.
Tonight I am so grateful because I still don’t understand. The innocence is still with us, somewhere beyond our blue eyes is peace and laughter no matter the circumstances. Somewhere, despite your grief, there are two who will sleep tonight dreaming of one another and with nothing but hope that this horribly long nightmare will soon be over.
..and tiger wood’s is going for his 13th major title.
so odd the difference a few miles makes on ones perspective of the world and life.
it must seem like a dream at times..except it never ends.
Thank you Grumpy….for everything
I don’t even know where to begin with this. Today is July 3rd……Tomorrow, of course the 4th, Independence Day!!! I want to say first and foremost, Thanks to all of our service men and women and your families for all that you sacrafice for us.
This story is so heart breaking. I couldn’t even imagine the fear and heart break that our soldiers endure over there. Everyone who is free to speak there mind or do as they wish should be on bended knee saying a prayer for and thanking our troops. I am sooo proud of all of you and all you do. HAPPY 4th of July. May god be with you all. THANKS!